I’m just now recovering from the trauma. Traveling east is never in your favor, because for some ridiculous reason, the clock steals three hours from you.

Mom says it’s ’cause the earth is round, like a clock is round, but some clocks are square, so…  I think it’s a republicrat lie born in fake news. That stuff is all over everywhere these days. It’s a problem. Yeah, that’s right. I’m not just a pretty face — I know stuff. I watch the news.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand — my abandonment! It all began with the normal routine: the van to the plane to a bus to a car to Mom-mom’s house. She lives in big-yard territory, where sometimes, when it’s cold, the ground turns white. We got there at one in the morning, visited for a while, then hit the sack at three am. The doggie downers had me in a state. It was okay. I figured w’e sleep late then have breaky. So when the alarm went off at 5:30 am, I was somewhat befuddled.  Then I nearly exploded when mom packed up BeaR and dashed out — with everything we came with except ME!! Was I being abandoned? Did I do something wrong? I thought she loved me, but maybe I was wrong.


No. Mom wouldn’t leave me. She was probably hiding someplace in the house. Oh no!  What if she was hurt and in need of rescuing! I decided to escape through the gate to save her. There was a time when I would have succeeded. There was a time when where the head went, the body easily followed. But I guess all those treats that I love so much decided to stick around in the form of BELLY FAT!  You guessed it. I got stuck. They actually called 911, until Martha remembered she had a hacksaw. There I was, halfway through the gate for what felt like a month, shards of metal raining down on me. Talk about embarrassing. This was all mom’s fault. I decided right then and there that I probably would not forgive her. Ever.

For three days I suffered, my heart broken shattered to dust, while Mom and BeaR ran around New York doing fancy things.  You know, not every dog is blonde and built like a model. Us more portly pups deserve special moments too. Mom did feel bad for leaving me behind and she promised to make it up to me with my own mommie and me excursion. I hope she realizes that taking me to the vet for a teeth cleaning doesn’t count as a joyful fun moment!

BeaR and his friend, Little Lola Sunshine, made a really cute video and took lots of cute pictures.  They even had a little champagne reception at Martha Stewart Weddings. And they got to stay in a really nice hotel right on 5th Ave! Mom said it was fun to be back in New York. She said she would like to do an apartment swap with someone and go back sometime soon, this time with me!

Our next adventure is the web series she wrote, Saturday Night DOG. I will be starring in her first video. BeaR doesn’t get to do that, so I guess that’s something special. Mom wrote a whole bunch of funny comedy skits, all from a dog’s point of view. She did a lot of skit comedy acting and writing in the days before D.O.G. She decided to launch this project before the top model contest because you need a big following to run a successful contest, and she insists that everything she does is as successful as possible.  Sh’se holding a big open call doggie audition on May 21 in West Hollywood Park. It’s gonna be so fun! You should come.

Me n’ Mom made up. Since BeaR and me mostly stay home while mom works, I got her to make some fun pictures of us in photoshop where we get to travel to cool places in our imaginations.  So that’s something.  You gotta work with what you got, and while our mom is hardly perfect, we love her.

Okay, thanks for reading.  Bye!

~Woofie Sweetthing