I thought I would update you on my mom.
She’s on hospice care, at home. They gave me this great little book about the process of dying and it was so comforting. It basically said there is a process that occurs in the leaving this realm in preparation for whatever comes next, with recognizable moments, things they will do.
I remember my 104 year old grandfather. We were having a conversation about his being a merchant marine when he first came to America. All the sudden his eyes trailed off, his face filled with twinkling delight. He turned back to me and said, in his heavy Norwegian accent, “sometimes I look out, I see children, reaching for me. I reach back, and they disappear.” His wonder in the fact that they disappeared mesmerized me.
For me there’s two parts to how I’m dealing with this. First, loving my mom, keeping her comforted, figuring out what she needs and giving it to her. And second, preparing for what comes next. That’s harder to do, because “next” could be in a day, month, a few months, or even many months.
I want to travel, A LOT. I want to meet up with friends and dog lovers, do rescue events, make videos of all the magical people and places I find. Our country is filled with so much beauty. There’s a place in New Mexico — White Sands, NM — and it’s just miles of white dunes. Then there are hot springs, and lakes, a million versions of raw nature waiting to be photographed and shared to inspire. Eventually I’ll make it to Zion.
I want my business to do well, so I’m designing a lot. I made a Fall / winter collection of dresses and boy vests, and I’ll have a 30% off sale soon.
I’ve been adding to the van, making it more comfortable, more functional. I’m mostly keeping the dinette in bed mode, since I’m using it as a writing office — I use a laptop on my lap. For the summer I bought a summer bedspread. Now I’m winterizing, with a winter bedspread and an amazing heater that runs off of the gas tank, using very little gas.
I bought a drone. The little buzzing beast now terrifies me. I spent more than I should have buying it. But the idea of areal photography lit me up at a time when I needed light. I played around with it, got the feel for the joysticks. So exciting. I like the shots where the camera follows you, so I spend more money and got this app that makes that possible. Then I crashed it into a tree. I hadn’t bought the crash insurance, so I was stuck — learn how to fix it or buy a new one. I bought a new arm, a soldering iron and I fixed it! You can learn anything on youtube!
Anyway, until the inevitable knocks me off my feet (my mom’s death), besides making dog clothes and fixing up the van, and writing a screenplay. It’s what I did before starting my own business and it feels good to get back to it. It’s about secrets and lies, and the damage they cause. That’s the theme driving me to write it, not the plot. Bear is enjoying the van. He’s itching a lot. I’m gonna need to take him to the vet soon…. No flees, and no red spots. Strange. Maybe he’s sharing my stress.
xoxoLola & BeaR